Wednesday, February 04, 2009

I. Hate. Crafts.

All I wanted was a scarf, okay? I know myself well enough not to attempt an afghan or a complicated thing with sleeves and necks and yadda yadda, I just wanted a scarf.

And I wanted one that was wide enough, that felt soft and nice, that was not in some weird trendy color ... and that was not acrylic, or even wool. This last requirement was the most important one, because I hate getting zapped by static electricity. I wanted a scarf of nice cotton yarn that would NOT crackle and make my hair stand on end.

So there are, like, THREE WALLS of yarns in the craft store. And all are acrylic or wool or blends, except two bins of cottons.

The first bin was baby yarn, for very thin, fine, tight-weave work. It would take me 90 years to make something out of that fine gauge yarn. OK, it would only seem like 90 years. I am not craftsy. Anything involving needles and thread makes me want to run screaming out into the night. This project is a means to an end, not about finding enjoyment in the process.

But despite the slim choices, I liked the stuff in the tiny second bin. Organic. Made in USA. Soft, nubby, earthy colors. Pricey, but I thought a couple skeins would... um...

Two hours of work later, you see the result. The book is there (why, of course I chose it at random...) to show just how few inches one skein makes. I've used over half of a skein and barely started. Each skein costs SIX BUCKS. This project will cost as much as buying some cashmere thing from Neiman Marcus.

Yes, I can dismantle this and make it narrower. And I will do exactly that, but one of the reasons I wanted to make my own was to get a wide one, since the current fashion trend is toward skinny things that will not provide much warmth.

So i'll compromise on width, save a skein or two, pay more than I meant to, and wish that the helpful information on the label --which happily explains what needles to buy-- would tell the buyer something like "This skein will make a one-foot square, crocheted."

I really hate crafts.

The last crochet project I completed.


ronnie said...

I literally LOL'd at this post.

Last winter, I took up knitting again. I couldn't imagine why I'd ever stopped!

About two days in, I remembered.


Christy said...

I totally understand. I leave all the kids' school craft projects for my husband. I cannot do them without losing my sanctification.

Dann said...

I can't stand knitting or crocheting either. They drive me up the wall.

However, if you'd like something productive to do in your non-computing time, I might be able to make a suggestion or two.


Nostalgic for the Pleistocene said...

8~) I like all this sympathy.

Dann, i tried quilting. About 30 years ago. I'm tellin' ya, textile crafts are a means to an end for me, to be used once other ways of obtaining the item are exhausted!

Dann said...

How about cross stitching?? Or macrame??

I'd toss in sketching/drawing, but if you are like me, you've already tried enough to know that the brain can't make the fingers move the right way to get something meaningful on paper.