Sunday, November 25, 2007

They call us The People of the Ding Dong

They say that when the world was new, there were sugar crashes and food spoilage in our ancestral homeland of Hyperinsulinemia. And the people cried out to The Great Refiner, for The Food of Eternity that never rots. The Great Refiner gave our ancestors the formula for the Ding Dong, and gave them the white flour and the sugar and the BHT. In visions he told them, a Land Bridge will form when the Great Sugar Rationing falls upon the land. Take the Food of Eternity and go forth and carry it to all corners of the earth. And they did so, and their civilization was built upon the Foods of Eternity, the Ding Dong, the Twinkie, the Moon Pie and the Convenience Store Honey Bun.

But we are forgetting the Old Ways. Our Traditions are being lost. We eat natural, even whole, foods.

Still, in each generation there is a One Who Remembers the Old Ways. One who eats the foods of our ancestors and Keeps the Traditions. As families gather to give thanks to the Great Refiner, and the holiday embers dwindle down to a warm glow, circles are formed around the fireplace.

And tales of The Old Days are told; and rituals are observed, of sharing the foods of our ancestors. And to the little children some is given, that they may know their place in the Great Chain of Being, and that they may bounce off the walls in their own Sucrose Vision Quests, and that they may someday in turn teach their own children The Old Ways.


Sherwood Harrington said...

They say that the ancient ways are still remembered in hidden mountain canyons, where rock candy crystals hum in sympathy with the course of time, and on windswept plains' fairgrounds where spun sugar pillows rival the sky's cumulus.

And they who say that pay homage to ancient refinement through ritual sucking of the nectar of sweetened condensed milk directly from the punctured little can, and say to their spouses, "Honey, I have no idea what happened to that, really, but I'll be happy to run to the store for more if you need it!

Anonymous said...

Like what's wrong with Dingdongs?

Nostalgic for the Pleistocene said...

LOL! Sherwood, don't be giving my brother any more ideas! 8~)

Anonymous - Ding Dongs are pleasant enough, but once i had a Tastykake Butterscotch Krimpet, i could never go back.